Entering a bar, a man chooses a stool and sits down.
The bartender comes over and says, "What'll it be, buddy?
The man replies, "Set me up with five whisky
shots, and make 'em doubles!"
The bartender does as he asks. He watches as the
man tosses one back, then the next, then the next,
until all five shots are gone as quickly as they were served.
Startled, and thinking there must be a serious
problem with this man, the bartender asks him what was wrong.
"You'd be drinking 'em that fast too if you had what I have."
The man said.
Nervously, the bartender asks
"What do you have, pal?"
"I have a dollar."

 

A Texan is bragging to a Rhode Islander. "In Texas," he drawls,
"you can get on a train, ride all day long, and still be in Texas by nightfall."
"Yeah", replies the Yankee, "We have slow trains in Rhode Island too."

A senior citizen was driving down the freeway when his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Pete, I just heard on the news that there's a car going
the wrong way on the interstate. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Pete, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

SMART SECRETARY~~~
The real estate boss got a hot new secretary,
and he decided to put some moves on her.
But within a few weeks, he was feeling displeased at the
way she was working - not caring,
coming to work late, and so on. Finally, he pulls her aside,
and had a little talk with her. "Listen, baby,
we may have gone to bed together a few times,
but who said you could start coming in late and slacking off?"
"My lawyer!" the secretary replied.

Jokes Sent In by Candy Torres
visit her web site Here