"Drinking"

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He

stays until the bar loses at 2am, at which time he is extremely

drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone,

so he takes off his shoes and starts tiptoeing up the stairs.

Halfway up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on

his rear end. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had

couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets and they broke,

so the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was

so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.

A few minutes later as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he

checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind

was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as

best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.

The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting

and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good

story, when his wife came into the bedroom. "Well, you really tied
one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"

"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of
beers."

"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got
plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?"

"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"

"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this
morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."